Fuckin' snow.

Today I woke up after less than 5 hours of sleep. I overslept to school, of course, so I decided to stay at home and do the big cleanup, because my grandparents will come on Wednesday.

See this shit out there? That sucks. I hate snow right now. Even if I know it's beautiful, now I hate it. I hate almost everything atm, especially myself. I'm so stupid, you know? I stopped living in real world, now I live just with Pedro on facebook chat. That's not so good. How am I supposed to meet him one day, when I won't complete graduation? How? Oh well.. I think it's time to stop dreaming and start working on it..

Also problems with my back and shoulder are back, I have to start rehabilitation as soon as possible. I also have another health problems.. Ughh.. x.x I hate this. Being happy and so unhappy in the same time.

I have to do something. Find some hobby, start making christmas presents.. Just relax myself with being somehow productive. Uff.. I should also write here more often. Yeah. Well. 'Happy' snow day.

Hair obsessed.

Hair. That's the thing I'm probably obsessed the most. I've always wanted long healthy hair, but my parents never let me grow them long. Now I can finally make my own choices so I'm growing them long. ^^ I also want to share some tips, which worked for me (does not mean it will work for you :))

I. Water. Eating clean. Taking vitamines.
I do drink a lot of water every day, I try to eat clean, a lot of vegetables and fruit and I do take vitamines every day to support natural gair growth. (I do take chewing silicon and Biosil).

II. Cutting split ends.
You can hear this everywhere, but it works. I do not usually go to the hairdresser, I cut my split ends on my own. I take scissors and cut just a tiny little pieces of my hair, so there's not 5 cm length loss. -.-

III. Applying deep conditioner / hair mask.
I usually put my hair mask mixed with olive oil on my hair and let it dry (I try to put it there in the early afternoon) and then I sleep with it on my hair. I wash my hair in the morning and it's awesome.

IV. Never brush and sleep with wet hair. 
Never. Never. Never. Never. Just never do it.

V. Try to use no heat.

(all pictures are from tumblr.com)

♡

Drunk.

Ou yeah. Today I just.. wanted to get drunk, so I just did. With my parents, at home, but.. everything's fine. ^^ Although I'm going to the school tomorrow, I have to put together my outfit. O.o I don't wanna, I'll look so dumb probably. But I'm taking out my Dorothy Perkins dress, so I can make shopping update tomorrow.

Also, also!!! My cross ring came today! Awwwwwwwwh! I love it soo much! Well.. finally, after a few months I have it!

I just don't know what to write atm. I want to go out and dance, dance! I want to drink, drink! I want to.. *censored* eeeeeeh.

Okay, I'm going to bed.

Cross ring in the mirror.

Burst into tears.

I wish someone could understand how I feel in between all those perfect bodies. I work on my body for year and half now but I look the same as I started. I hate my genetics. I've been bullied for my body since I was 8. That's ten years now and suddenly there's somebody telling me I am beautiful and I.. I can't believe him. And I feel so sorry for that because I know he's awesome, kind and I'm just stupid girl who can't accept a compliment. I wish all people who ever bullied me will rot in hell. Because I feel like they destroyed my life, I know that and I can't do anything with that. I'm too weak for it. And it makes me even weaker when I realize that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Even if I would ever lose all this weight.. I would never get undressed in front of a boy. I just hate myself so much for that. And unfortunately, sex is really important for 99% of boys. I'm fucked. And ugly. I don't like my hair, I don't like my face, I hate my body. How am I supposed to live like that?

I wish somebody understand that I don't say it just for attention, but because I really mean it. I wish I could look into mirror and smile even a little bit saying myself: 'You look good today, girl.' I can't. I'd go back and start my life all over again. With different genetics, in different country. My life now sucks and I'm really scared it will be like this to the end of it. I just don't know how could I change it.

Murderotic

Very nice girl from Sweden. ^^

All photos belongs to her ! Where you can find her:

http://murderotic.com/

http://murderotic.tumblr.com/

<3

May the force be with you.

Watching Star Wars all afternoon makes me happy, but what makes me more happy is watching Star Wars all afternoon two consecutive days. Seriously, I just can't understand why there's so many people who hate Star Wars O.o I mean.. it's awesome! Sometimes I feel like the only one who needs lightsaber in my life. (Count Dooku Team!! - as my dad said: "How is possible for Saruman to be in Star Wars?" -.-)

Also I'm waiting for my double cross ring and then I'm gonna make my first shopping update, I bought new red awesome tutu skirt and Dorothy Perkins dress (which are sooooo amazing, I'm in love with them, can't wait to wear them out! *.*)

Right now I'm waiting for my lunch to be readyy.. Baking potatoes and I think about making also chilli sauce ^^ Hum hum, I'm so hungry right now.. I haven't eaten sice yesterday's dinner, no time for food in the morning. -.-

Being positive.

Yesterday I've been chatting with Pedro and then I just realized that I am too pesimistic. But I want to do something with it, because it drives me crazy. I see all bad things but I can't see the good ones. I think it makes me more depressed and unsuccessful in every part of my life.

With that thoughts I've ordered new dress from Dorothy Perkins and double cross ring. I've wanted that ring for a looong time and now I've finally found it! Awwh, I can't wait to wear all my new things! Here I come to the point that I should do closet cleaning or something, because I don't have any space for new clothes. -.- Well, my dressing is changing from black to more black and dark blue.. What a change!

Now I have to go with my parents to granny, we were invited to lunch. Chicken, sauerkraut and potatoes, yes please! *.* I'm probably the most sauerkraut chicken freak ever, I love that combination! Especially when I bake chicken on sauerkraut together, not separately.. That's the most amazing thing ever!

So now I'm gonna dress up, do my makeup and hair and let's go!

P.S.: I've spend all my money on that dress and ring, that means no food for another week. But still regret nothing!! ^^

Felice Fawn

I just love this girl. Model / photographer from England. She's so beautiful. I love her style, her hair..

All photos belongs to her. Where you can find her:

http://felicefawn.tumblr.com/

http://felicefawngallery.tumblr.com/

http://www.felicefawn.com/

I'd like a cup of tea, please.

Disappointed, going crazy.

Seriously, I have no idea what's going on last two weeks. I'm not going out because I'm too afraid that I'll meet somebody I know. Call it some kind of phobia, but if I met them, I would probably kill myself on that place. I don't know to talkt to anybody, I'm too disappointed to be able to get over it.

Now I just sit at home, hide myself in books chatting with people from different countries and that's too fucked up. I can't understand why all of these great people lives so far away from me! I want to go, stel money somewhere, buy airplane tickets and leave this place just to be with them.. I need to find some way to stop being too lazy. I'll probably start drawing again, making jewelery, sew and so on.. I need to make myself happier than I am right now.